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When you divorce, kids need reassurance, not reasons

Working out what to tell your children about your divorce can be challenging. If the end of your marriage is difficult, your emotions may make it hard to think clearly.

Whatever your want to tell your kids, whatever you feel they ought to know about your spouse, remember that talking badly about their other parent won’t help them. What your kids need more than anything right now is reassurance, not blame.

Your relationship with your spouse isn’t your child’s relationship with them

Maybe your spouse lied and cheated on you. That’s terrible, but does it affect their relationship with their child? A bad spouse doesn’t necessarily make a bad parent. You have to mentally separate your relationship with your spouse from the relationship they have with your shared children.

You can focus on what is going to stay the same to provide reassurance

A lot is going to change for your child when you divorce. Yet think about how you phrase things. It’s as easy to spin things positively as it is negatively. For example:

  • If your child is still going to attend the same school, still going to sleep with their pet rabbit and will still see both of you each week, then quite a lot of their time will be similar to before.
  • You could make a big deal about having to move households, but people who are not divorcing move all the time. Think of it as an opportunity to meet some new friends or decorate their room as they desire.

Above all, the one thing that your children need to know is that you both still love them. Having that security will help them cope with whatever challenges the future poses.

Seek legal help to find a custody agreement that reassures your child and gives your family the security it needs.

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